Yorkshire jokes



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Yorkshire jokes

Postby CJ » Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:31 am

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.



Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom ?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."

***

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!"

***
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were Thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were Thin".
He explodes - good grief, man, you've left the flamin' "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you"..
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "E, She were Thin".

***

Bloke from Barnsley with a sore backside asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell a**e cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
CJ

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Re: Yorkshire jokes

Postby Space Cowboy » Wed Jun 01, 2011 4:32 pm

Enjoy :wink: :wink:.

.[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnbLmNbb19g[/youtube]
Waylon Jennings.
" Don't take credit for what's written in the stars,
....... and don't apologise for who you are "
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Re: Yorkshire jokes

Postby Moshe » Fri Jun 03, 2011 8:57 am

:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: Brilliant, CJ
Any more????
Cor Blimey, Guv'nor! 8)
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Re: Yorkshire jokes

Postby CJ » Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:50 pm

A Leeds man walks into a High Street bank & asks for a loan.

He tells the bank officer he is going to Australia on business for two
weeks & needs to borrow £5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of
security for the loan, so the Yorkshire lad hands over the keys and
documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He
produces the Log Book & everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank manager & its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
rough-looking Yorkshireman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral
against a £5000 loan.

The bank manager then instructs an employee of the bank to drive the
Ferrari into the bank's underground garage, where he parks it.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the £5,000 & the interest of
£15.41.

The bank officer says to the Yorkshireman, "Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, & this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled...

While you were away, we checked you out further & found that you are a
multi-millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "£5,000"?

The Yorkshireman replies: "Where else in Leeds can I park my car for
two weeks for only £15.41 & expect it to be there when I return"

Ah, the mind of a true Yorkshireman...
CJ

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